The below information is derived from the book “Modern Dating” and the class lectures as they happen.
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Summary
This chapter explores the rise of online dating, its impact on how people meet, and the various challenges and benefits it presents. Here’s a summary of the key points:
Origins and Evolution of Online Dating:
- Early computer dating services emerged in the 1960s, using questionnaires and algorithms to match people. These services were not popular due to limited computer access and scepticism about their effectiveness.
- Classified ads in newspapers were a popular way for singles to connect, particularly in “thin markets” like the LGBTQ+ community and older, divorced individuals. These ads were brief and often used abbreviations to save space.
- Video dating services briefly emerged as a means of providing visual information about potential partners, but they did not gain widespread popularity.
- Match.com launched in 1995, revolutionising online dating by allowing clients to select each other in real-time. The internet boom of the late 1990s helped to normalise the idea of finding dates online.
- Various online dating sites emerged with their own branding, targeting different niches such as eHarmony for serious relationships and JDate for Jewish people.
- Online dating has become the most common way people meet their spouses, surpassing meeting through friends, work, or school combined.
The Impact of Online Dating:
- The way people meet has shifted drastically since the advent of online dating. In 1940, most people met through family, friends, or church. By 1990, meeting through friends was most common. By 2010, online dating had become the primary method of meeting partners.
- Online dating has dramatically changed the dating scene for those in “thin markets” (e.g., LGBTQ+ individuals), with nearly 70% of same-sex couples meeting online.
- While there is still some stigma around online dating, it is declining, and many people now feel comfortable meeting their partners online.
- Online dating provides an endless supply of people who are looking to date, with tools to filter for specific preferences and without needing third-party introductions.
Challenges of Online Dating:
- Women tend to receive significantly more messages than men, leading to clogged inboxes and many unread solicitations.
- Online dating can create a “stud mentality”, where users are presented with so many options that they become overly selective and dismissive of potential partners.
- Online dating can be exhausting. The process of reading profiles, messaging, and arranging meetups can take a toll, leading to some users feeling jaded and burnt out. Some have even deleted their dating app accounts because of the stress.
- Many people do not know what they are looking for in a partner, and their stated preferences often do not align with the people they actually contact online.
- Profile photos play a crucial role, driving 90% of the action in online dating. Different types of photos are more effective for men and women. Photos showing people doing interesting things often lead to more meaningful conversations.
- The messages that get the best response rate are brief (40-60 characters) and take about two minutes to compose. Copy-and-paste messages are less effective than genuine, personalized messages.
- Algorithms are not foolproof and cannot predict whether two people will make a good couple.
Strategies for Effective Online Dating:
- Avoid overthinking profile creation and messaging, and meet in person as soon as possible.
- Focus on crafting genuine, personalized messages that reflect your interests and personality.
- Don’t rely solely on algorithms or stated preferences; be open to meeting people who might not fit your initial criteria.
The Rise of Swipe Apps like Tinder:
- Mobile dating apps like Tinder have emerged as a faster and simpler alternative to traditional online dating.
- Tinder uses a swipe-based system, with users indicating interest in each other with a right swipe. The app only allows those who have both indicated interest to message each other, eliminating the problem of unwanted advances.
- Tinder is perceived as a game and a hookup app, though many use it to form relationships.
- While swipe apps are seen as superficial due to the focus on physical attraction, they also offer a fun, quick way to connect with others.
- These apps have led to an increased sense of wonder and opportunity for singles today.
Technology and Romantic Freedom in Restrictive Societies:
- In cultures with strict social rules and restrictions on dating (e.g., Qatar), digital technology provides a level of privacy and freedom for singles.
- Social media and the internet are used to flout repressive rules, organize private parties, and communicate anonymously.
- Apps like Snapchat have allowed for risk-taking and connection in the privacy of people’s phones.
In conclusion, the chapter highlights how technology has reshaped the landscape of modern romance, bringing both opportunities and challenges to those seeking connection.