Ch.1 – Searching For Your Soulmate

Chapter 1 explores the difficulties of modern dating by contrasting it with the experiences of previous generations.

Technology and modern dating: The chapter opens by noting frustrations specific to today’s singles, such as waiting for text replies or perfecting online dating profiles. The author jokingly questions if teleportation will be possible by the time the book comes out. The chapter points out that modern singles live in “phone worlds,” using their devices to plan dates and research potential partners. This is likened to the author’s own experience of planning brunch, also using a phone.

Interviews with Seniors: The author visits a retirement community and speaks with older people about their experiences with love and marriage. One senior, Victoria, met her husband in her apartment building and married young after a short courtship.

Historical marriage patterns: A 1932 study of marriage licenses in Philadelphia discovered that one-third of couples had lived within a five-block radius of each other before marrying. This trend of marrying within close proximity also occurred in smaller towns. A sociologist stated, “People will go as far as they have to to find a mate, but no farther”.

Emerging Adulthood: The chapter discusses how modern life has changed the dating landscape. Today, people focus on education, careers, and personal development during a stage of life known as “emerging adulthood”, which increases their potential romantic options.

Higher standards for commitment: People today use more exaggerated terms to describe their romantic partners, suggesting a higher bar for commitment than in previous generations. Historically, marriage was mainly about establishing family bonds for security and survival.

Changing Expectations: In the past, people did not expect a “boiling” passion immediately; they committed to a life together and then tried to develop the passion. Now, commitment seems premature if there isn’t an immediate passionate connection.

Differences in dating experiences: A focus group comparing different generations highlighted that older people had simpler and less stressful ways of meeting people compared to today’s singles.

The digital world of dating: The author states that smartphones have created a “24-7 singles bar in your pocket”, giving access to many potential partners. However, it takes effort to find the right person amidst all the options.

The chapter emphasizes the contrast between past and present approaches to finding love, suggesting that technology and shifting social norms have made the process more complex and possibly more stressful for today’s singles.